i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
