this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
