it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
