ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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