Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I AM VODKA MAN
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
