I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
