Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
