just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
