so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
My pussy is not your playground.
Sober January is a disaster.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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