I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
