I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
