Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize