he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
