I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
