I'm eating all of the evidence.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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