Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
