I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
