I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
