I wish I only lived at night.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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