You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Randomize
