I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize