A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
