If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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