sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
