Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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