suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
