i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
