dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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