Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
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