honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Randomize
