i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
not ubering you a puppy
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
