I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
