my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
