The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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