my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
