i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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