oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
