My nipple is on Facebook.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
should my penis look like a turkey
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
