my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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