dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Randomize
