It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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