ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
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