Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
