I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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