you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
