i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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