your room smells of hookers.
And success
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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