It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
