She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
