so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
